critical commentary

Since embarking on the course back in September I have been impressed and surprised by the amount I have learnt, not just in the way of information about research methodologies and Kolb’s learning cycle etc but about myself as a person, my approach to things and the way I learn.

When I first received the module handbook I remember the panic that went through my mind, in my first learning diary of this module (3835) comments about the handbook such as “The handbook for me was inefficient. I need to be told what I need to do and I will do it.” And “I swiftly began reading through it (the handbook) and it wasn’t long before my mind had wondered and negative thoughts of how overwhelming everything was and how I had no idea of what was being asked of me.” This was just a few months ago before we began working on the module and in my last learning diary my attitude to the handbook has changed completely “so again I turned to the trusty handbook”. To me this is conformation I am panic merchant, and get overwhelmed by things at first sight. As I also said in my first learning diary “Things take a few days to really sink in after my initial panic of “I have no idea what I’m doing”…. After a few days of digesting information I am fine.” I have learnt I don’t like to not understand things, but from doing this course I have also learnt that if I give myself a chance and take the time to stay calm I can learn a lot. I also feel I have become more tolerant, instead of initially jumping to my own conclusion about others opinions and ways of doing things I often find my self taking the time to consider why they do/think that. I suppose you could say I have become more open minded which can only ever be a good thing!

Another thing that has altered my way of thinking and affected me in a big way is the use of the blogs. At first I have to confess I was a little dubious, probably because as I’ve realized I don’t initially like things I don’t understand.
There is no way I could of completed either module without the help and support of the BAPP online network, I have turned to this time and time again when I have needed help or am unsure about something and as yet I have never not found the information I was looking for. At one point in the module when I was very busy at work and not able to do as much work as I would of liked I even found too much information, and felt so far behind “At times when I check the blog and see how far along some people are in the module and the detailed work they are producing I have simple felt completely out of my depth.” (Learning diary 4). This was just a moment of panic as although I am very far away from everybody else it is very comforting to have this support. Working as a professional dancer for the past five years I have been in an environment where everyone is usually out to look after number one, although this is not my nature you get so used to doing everything for yourself and not being able to readily ask people for help or offer constructive criticism that I just found myself conforming to this way. To have the help and support of everyone else on the course has been like a breath of fresh air, and also in task E of the last module I found myself really wanting to help others improve their work too. This makes me happy and I have tried to carry this way of thinking through to my professional practise, in December I worked a short contract in Holland, one of the dancers did not have much experience and so when she turned up to the dress rehearsal her hair was not done correctly and she didn’t have any false eyelashes on, I knew she would be in trouble so I warned her in advance and taught her the correct way, at first she seemed a bit defensive and some of the others in the group questioned why I still helped her but later when we were alone she thanked me and said she was just a bit embarrassed as some others had seen her and not said anything. I have come to the conclusion that people see asking for help as a weakness. I am happy to help people and have people help me, and this course has definitely as I said earlier shown me a new way of thinking and made me accepting of others opinions.

One hugely positive outcome to this course has been the confidence I have gained using computers. I had always thought I was terrible and lacked confidence, I always had a niggling concern in my head that I wouldn’t be able to manage doing everything on the computer but I have to say doing this course has made me learn little by little and I have really surprised myself. I now think I could apply for a job that requires good computer skills where as before I wouldn’t of had the confidence in my ability to do so.

During this module (3835) I have been introduced to many research methodologies and digested more information about research than I thought I was capable of. It has opened me up to a new way of thinking especially about ethical issues; I had always been familiar with the word “ethics” but never really considered how many things there were to consider. I am pleased we have completed this module as I now feel I have, or have access to the sufficient information I need to conduct my final project in an effective and structured way. It has helped me to focus my ideas and definitely improved my chances of carrying out a successful project.